i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We need to get me chipped asap
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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