My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
