Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
