I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize