Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
