4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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