i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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