Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
