one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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