I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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