I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
