his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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