smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
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