Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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