and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
