Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Dicks are not precious.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
