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• (+61): View more from Australia

  yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.

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• (850): View more from Florida

  hey. who tried to drive me home last night?

  (904): View more from Florida

  not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?

  (850): View more from Florida

  i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.

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• (619): View more from California

  I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.

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• (857): View more from Massachusetts

  other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other

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• (862): View more from New Jersey

  That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina

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• (260): View more from Indiana

  He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I know, she tried to drink it

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• (571): View more from Virginia

  you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"

  (1-618): View more from Illinois

  As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes

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• (706): View more from Georgia

  & he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?

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• (813): View more from Florida

  FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book

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