Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize