its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
