mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
