i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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