You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
