you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
