turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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