how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
