wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
