wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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