Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
