when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
i think my cat just said my name.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
