Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
