The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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