i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize