next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
