He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
What drink are we having for lunch?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
