There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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