If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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