So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
