I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
