have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Everclear isn't food dammit
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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