I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize