Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
