you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
