If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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