Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
