You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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