I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
