I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
