i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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