maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
