Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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