i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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