She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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