am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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