Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
