They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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