Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize