ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
