I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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