There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize