Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
