tell your sister to shave her snatch
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
