I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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