The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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