her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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