that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
