oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
