She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
