sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
