I just made out with a guy for $7.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
