dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
