i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
