My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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