I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize
