Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
