I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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