I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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