I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
