Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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