I want to stick my p in your. b.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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