her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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