so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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