I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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