ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
