I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
They took my balls.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
