There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
love makes seman taste better
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
