I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
