my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
