The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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