My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
