I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
she told me i tasted like america
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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