who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
