i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
