I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
