Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize