i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
