dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
