Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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