Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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