I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize