News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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