Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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