hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
